Deep thought with Marvin

want, originally uploaded by staarkidd.

Last night I went to the video store to pick up some movies. Waiting in line, I read the headlines on all the magazines and debated if I really want to know anything more about Brad and Jen. It struck me how ridiculous my personal universe has become. It all kind of sums itself up with WANT. Glancing at the magazine shelf, I noticed how all the “girl” magazines were about self-improvement or being want-able and the boy magazines were about the things boys want to own and somehow deserve to own.

I’m not sure if this is a fair assessment on my part, but I brought the idea up to Marvin during our early morning “while the coffee drips” chats. He seemed to agree and began expounding on a more spiritual level, commenting that the whole point of creation was for man and woman to rule the world together. After “the Fall”, he explained, Man no longer owns the world and woman no longer owns the heart of man. Somehow that phrase really caught my attention. How we struggle as a culture for these things, we long for them, crave them, and yet we cannot achieve our wants nor can they fill us. I ask myself, what is it that I want, really, really want… and is it worthwhile?

Recently I attended a wedding (again). Twenty years ago, this man married a beautiful, vibrant woman but after a few years, she became very ill. Everyday is a struggle for life. She is very often bed-ridden and riddled with pain. That’s not really a marriage I want. Yet, to see them renew their vows after 20 years, to wait for her in the sanctuary wondering if she was going to be able to get out of bed… it was very challenging to see what makes life and love worthwhile. There is something there that goes beyond WANT and is extremely satisfying and worthwhile. I don’t really have a profound conclusion here but want to throw this train of thought out there for y’all to mull over in case someone else has more to add.