Show me your id

print1, originally uploaded by staarkidd.

(This may be a little corny, but it is late and i know you've had this thought too..) Ever since i was a child i've been frustrated by the fact that God doesn't appear to me when i am praying. I hate praying to an empty room or the glowing orb i conjure up in my mind's eye. Tonight i had a revelation. As i sat praying (nearly beginning a tantrum that sounded something like, why won't you let me see you?? How the heck do i hold conversation with an empty room?) i wondered what would happen if God actually showed up.

As a child, i always imagined that i would melt under the tungsten light of his glory and that is why he did not reveal himself. Tonight i had a sudden thought: what if a strange looking, rugged 30ish man jsuddenly appeared in my room? What if he is ugly? Or worse, what if he is really hot? As with any man in my room, how would i abstain from dealing with deep-seeded sexual issues? So, i thought (bare with me), what if he showed up as a woman? Again, there would be deep issues, just as i face with every woman i encounter. Well, what if he showed up as my Dad? This really freaked me out as i realized the games i have learned to play with every manner of human I have ever known. I realized that to really trust God, i must know him as genderless, formless, representative of no earthly image. He is the pillar of cloud that led the Israelites, the flaming bush that directed moses, the wind that hoovered over the waters of the earth when it was formless and void.

I ask myself, how do i know my God? This i know: his fingerprints as i find them touching every area of my life. I know him, because i have learned to identify his activity by looking at history and by being observant of my own life. He gives me everything i need to know him and to trust him, protecting me from my own ill thought-out wishes.